Josh Young wins

Congratulations to Josh Young, who was recently accepted into the University of Pittsburgh to pursue his MFA in poetry (?). Just so I can blow some smoke up this guy's hairy ass, allow me to say that if anyone deserves this, he does. For someone who got rejected not once, but twice from undergraduate admission to Western Washington University (Oops. Cat's out of the bag.), let us just say he's now having a nice elephant-sized piss on that school. On to bigger and better things.

Pitt will be a good scholarly fit for Josh, I'm sure. It was his first choice of schools to attend. I do, however, question that of him fitting into the city of Pittsburgh itself. After doing some research, I found that the only notable band hailing from The Steel City is Anti-Flag. (I mean, you could do worse...if you are 16 years old.) Josh is not punk rock. He does have a healthy appreciation for the Misfits (Danzig-era), though. But this cred is negated by the fact that he used to, and may very well still, listen to Mineral while lifting weights or running laps. Josh also made the claim that Social Distortion had ripped off Hüsker Dü. An interesting assertion, considering that the former has a heavy rockabilly influence, while the latter sounds like Black Flag strung out on LSD. Sorry buddy. Better stick to John Donne. (Terrible.)

I was going to make another argument against Josh's compatibility with Pittsburgh by drawing a connection between his distaste for professional sports and the Steelers winning the Super Bowl, but I will have to let it pass. In all seriousness, Josh, good luck with your future endeavours. But when you become rich and famous, don't forget about me. Because I'm going to freeload off your bloated ass. I declare these words now so there won't be any confusion later.